sarahnicci's Xanga

The one where he really loves you...

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 23:47:56 GMT

Love is when your stapler breaks mid-staple and you sort of freak out on the floor of your boyfriend's man den and he doesn't walk away making that "this chick is crazy" face but in turn brings you his stapler and says " don't worry about it hon I'll fix it....

Love is when you have had an atrocious day and you have cried your eyeballs out and you haven't had a chance to tell said boyfriend about your crappy day but you get a text message when you are walking away from aforementioned atrocious day that says "I love you weirdo"....

Love is a Rocky marathon for the past two Sundays...

Love is random pop culture trivia questions being hurled at each other as quickly as we think of one that might stump the other...

Love is sharing crazy people stories...

Love is not being afraid to hurt each other's feelings (in a healthy way)...Love means being honest even when you're afraid to be

Love is making time for each other when you feel like your whole world is turning upside down...

yeah...that's what it is

Week 7

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:53:20 GMT

I feel like my last post was dreadful and full of doom and gloom but things have honestly taken a brighter turn since the last time I have been on here. I've come to some hard realizations over the last couple of weeks but I needed to be confronted with them and now we move on and go from here.

This is my last week here at camp and there is a huge sigh of relief that is also filled with a little regret. I'm glad this is all coming to an end. I love camp...I do...but my heart wasn't all in it this summer. I had too much going on back home and I am clearly the one to blame for not being all here. Part of me is so ready to be home and start life again I can almost taste it. Part of me wants to do it all over again. Part of me wants to go back to week 2 (not 3 because it was dreadful). I feel like so much of me has changed in the last couple of weeks and I'm just plain and simple tired. I hate that things are always difficult in my life and I'm bitter about it. I'm bitter about the fact that I can't have a quite and simple existence and I sometimes shout that angrily at God.

I see people leading simple and non-complex lives and I CRAVE that sometimes. Why does everything have to be such a chore??!! I've also come to realize that I see what I want to see. I don't know the inner workings of these people seemingly "simple" lives. What might be under that surface is something much harder than what I'm having to deal with OR it could really just be as simple as all that. What I'm struggling with is finding joy. It seems that if it's been zapped from me and now I'm just tired. I'm ready to be home but not ready to be home. I'm happy but unhappy at the same time. This is such a weird place to be in right now. I hope that when it comes down to it that I can make hard decisions if they need to be made. That I can trust in myself and God that it'll all work out as trite and ridiculous as that sounds. Ahh well...

This post isn't much sunnier but then again you don't have to read it if you don't want to....

Fight or Flight

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:35:22 GMT

There are times in our life when we slam up against a wall. That wall can be school, a job (or lack thereof), or a point in a relationship.

I hate to admit this but whenever I've come up against a "wall" in the past I'm a flight kind of girl. I've never been one for pain...I don't know anyone that really is. I have gone through enough in my life to know that I don't enjoy heartache. Not one bit of it. I have a tendency to run away.

I have a tendency to shut down.

I put up the fences that I swore I had tore down and would never put back up again.

So here I am....

For the first time in my life trusting...and knowing...and working through what has to be worked through. I know it's not good all the time. In those moments that's when it becomes abundantly clear your true feelings.

Do you fight?

Or take flight?

I decided to fight...

Sorry for the language in this quote...but man, it's true

Andrew Largeman: Fuck, this hurts so much.
Sam: I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, It's life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have

Martyrdom and Such...

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:19:05 GMT

Today I had some pretty big epiphanies while I was power washing a fence on site (which might I add I have gotten quite the hang of)....

I martyr myself...

I make myself a martyr when i have no business doing that...

I'm going to stop...

It's dumb...

To know you and be known by you....

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:25:01 GMT

This week has brought about lots of questions and doubts and concerns and none of them really have to do with me...

I have successfully completed 4 weeks of camp at Mississippi College and I.AM.TIRED.

Being away from home has proven to be...difficult...this summer. I have people at home that I miss desperately and people here that I will miss desperately when I go home...being away from the people I love always tends to put things in perspective for me. I can ask myself the questions that maybe I can't drum up when I'm in the thick of my life back home. I have a lot of things that are swirling in my head right now. I tend to be a think-er ahead-er for some reason. It's really hard for me to live day to day because I am always thinking about two weeks in advance. I feel for the first time in life someone understands aspects of me that no one has ever really been able to understand. It's bizarre and slightly unnerving (not in a bad way but in a caught off guard way).

Perspective is a weird thing....

Yeah...

Something to do on my day off...

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 22:08:43 GMT

What is your current obsession?
I don't know if I would say I'm currently obsessed with anything but I am really into looking at old vinyl record and cassette tapes....found some treasures at a thrift store the other day (James Taylor on vinyl...mhhhmmm)

What is your current favorite memory?
Christmas time at my Grandmama's and Pappy's....chocolate pretzels and fudge were in high supply :)

Starbucks or Peet's?
Starbucks....I used to really like PJ's but now they are no more...sad day

What's for dinner?
If it's my choice...either greek food or mexican food...

What would you eat for your last meal?
Chicken chimichanga and house dressing from Trejo's

What's the last thing you bought?
A trash can, some unmentionables, shampoo, stuff to survive at Mississippi college

What are you listening to right now?
Ben Folds (always), Mewithoutyou, Ingrid Michaelson, and The Beatles (Sgt. Pepper's)

What is your favorite ice-cream flavour?
Ben and Jerry's Phish Food....yummmm

What was your favorite toy growing up?
My cabbage patch doll....Nonnie

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Greece

Which language do you want to learn?
I think it would be really cool to speak french...

What's your favorite quote (for now)?
" Do or do not, there is not try"-Yoda (classic)

What is your favorite colour?
I really love cools blues and greens....I'm also a big fan of yellow

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
Probably my Vans...most comfortable shoes hands down

What is your dream job?
Teaching a first or second grade class.....that's all I want is to teach...

What is your worst habit?
I'm worrisome and bite my nails....my mom HATES that I bite my nails...

If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Music Music and more Music

Do you admire any one's style?
Anyone that can pull off vintage...I love the way it looks but on me I just look like I'm trying to hard

Describe your personal style?
I'm a jeans and t shirt kinda girl...I like an occasional dress or skirt but I'm by no means girly

What are you going to do after this?
Sit and talk with my friends Allison and Jenna...then we're going to go eat some dinner

What are your favourite movies?
There are far too many to list, but a sample would be: Little Miss Sunshine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, My Fair Lady, Garden State, Stand By Me....

What is your favourite fruit?
I used to love pineapple and now I get really sick off of it....but I wold have to say granny smith apples or green grapes

What inspires you?
Kindness

Your favorite book?
Currently....Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman

Do you collect something?
I started a collection of old tea cups from different thrift stores and flea markets....I wouldn't even say it was a collection but maybe someday it will be.

What are you most proud of?
That I can look beyond the strereotypes of people (for the most part) and try to see them as the person God intended them to be.

What do you like most about yourself?
same

What is your go-to nail polish color?
some sort of pale pink color....but I don't wear nail polish soooo....

Dear Fuge...you make me very tired

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:42:24 GMT

So this is the second day of full camp.....I don't know why but I am much more tired this time around than I was last time around. I've had some ups and downs as far as being here and being away from people that I dearly care for. The kids are great....my site is great...my heart hurts a little but is still thumping along.

This feeling I am feeling is really weird. There's no name or diagnosis for it.

I simply feel....wrong.

Not wrong in a bad way or wrong in a "something is wrong" kind of way. Something is just not sitting well with me and I can't quite figure out what it is. I'm not sad or depressed or ready to jump off the nearest dorm roof.

I simply feel like I am missing something.

It's weird....

I'm MC bound in t minus 2 days....

Tue, 19 May 2009 16:43:43 GMT

I can't believe that the summer is already here. It's wild to think about this past year (really the past month) and see where I've come from there. I am excited about camp. I'm not gonna lie I wasn't sure how about leaving for camp with the (ahem) special? circumstances that I have this summer. All I can say is that it's been talked about and I have no doubt in my mind that everything will be A ok. It's nice having that reassurance that someone's not gonna break up with you or get jealous when you are gone. I'm not gonna say that it's gonna be easy...cause it's not.

I have really been getting excited the last few days. I think camp is gonna be great. I just had to get in the right mindset.

I think Jen said it best. I am a pretty lucky gal.

so...boys aren't all bad

Wed, 13 May 2009 14:08:11 GMT

I have a boy and he likes me.
He's sweet and cute and literally the most considerate human being (at least of me) that I have ever met.
He has glasses...thick dark glasses (love it!)
He tells me that he is proud of me.
He tells me that I'm beautiful.
He tells me about things that have happened in his life because he wants me to know.
He told me that reaching over and grabbing my hand for the first time was the most natural thing that's ever happened to him.

but....He doesn't know that

I am so so so proud of him
I think he's the most handsome man walking the planet right now
I want to tell him things that have happened to me but it kinda scares me
I use the word "natural" all the time when I talk about him and me

I like him too...

I never want to drive again...

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:34:16 GMT

Forever and Ever amen....