| Love is when your stapler breaks mid-staple and you sort of freak out on the floor of your boyfriend's man den and he doesn't walk away making that "this chick is crazy" face but in turn brings you his stapler and says " don't worry about it hon I'll fix it....
Love is when you have had an atrocious day and you have cried your eyeballs out and you haven't had a chance to tell said boyfriend about your crappy day but you get a text message when you are walking away from aforementioned atrocious day that says "I love you weirdo"....
Love is a Rocky marathon for the past two Sundays...
Love is random pop culture trivia questions being hurled at each other as quickly as we think of one that might stump the other...
Love is sharing crazy people stories...
Love is not being afraid to hurt each other's feelings (in a healthy way)...Love means being honest even when you're afraid to be
Love is making time for each other when you feel like your whole world is turning upside down...
yeah...that's what it is |
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| I feel like my last post was dreadful and full of doom and gloom but things have honestly taken a brighter turn since the last time I have been on here. I've come to some hard realizations over the last couple of weeks but I needed to be confronted with them and now we move on and go from here.
This is my last week here at camp and there is a huge sigh of relief that is also filled with a little regret. I'm glad this is all coming to an end. I love camp...I do...but my heart wasn't all in it this summer. I had too much going on back home and I am clearly the one to blame for not being all here. Part of me is so ready to be home and start life again I can almost taste it. Part of me wants to do it all over again. Part of me wants to go back to week 2 (not 3 because it was dreadful). I feel like so much of me has changed in the last couple of weeks and I'm just plain and simple tired. I hate that things are always difficult in my life and I'm bitter about it. I'm bitter about the fact that I can't have a quite and simple existence and I sometimes shout that angrily at God.
I see people leading simple and non-complex lives and I CRAVE that sometimes. Why does everything have to be such a chore??!! I've also come to realize that I see what I want to see. I don't know the inner workings of these people seemingly "simple" lives. What might be under that surface is something much harder than what I'm having to deal with OR it could really just be as simple as all that. What I'm struggling with is finding joy. It seems that if it's been zapped from me and now I'm just tired. I'm ready to be home but not ready to be home. I'm happy but unhappy at the same time. This is such a weird place to be in right now. I hope that when it comes down to it that I can make hard decisions if they need to be made. That I can trust in myself and God that it'll all work out as trite and ridiculous as that sounds. Ahh well...
This post isn't much sunnier but then again you don't have to read it if you don't want to.... |
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| There are times in our life when we slam up against a wall. That wall can be school, a job (or lack thereof), or a point in a relationship.
I hate to admit this but whenever I've come up against a "wall" in the past I'm a flight kind of girl. I've never been one for pain...I don't know anyone that really is. I have gone through enough in my life to know that I don't enjoy heartache. Not one bit of it. I have a tendency to run away.
I have a tendency to shut down.
I put up the fences that I swore I had tore down and would never put back up again.
So here I am....
For the first time in my life trusting...and knowing...and working through what has to be worked through. I know it's not good all the time. In those moments that's when it becomes abundantly clear your true feelings.
Do you fight?
Or take flight?
I decided to fight...
Sorry for the language in this quote...but man, it's true
Andrew Largeman: Fuck, this hurts so much.
Sam: I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, It's life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have
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| Today I had some pretty big epiphanies while I was power washing a fence on site (which might I add I have gotten quite the hang of)....
I martyr myself...
I make myself a martyr when i have no business doing that...
I'm going to stop...
It's dumb...
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| This week has brought about lots of questions and doubts and concerns and none of them really have to do with me...
I have successfully completed 4 weeks of camp at Mississippi College and I.AM.TIRED.
Being away from home has proven to be...difficult...this summer. I have people at home that I miss desperately and people here that I will miss desperately when I go home...being away from the people I love always tends to put things in perspective for me. I can ask myself the questions that maybe I can't drum up when I'm in the thick of my life back home. I have a lot of things that are swirling in my head right now. I tend to be a think-er ahead-er for some reason. It's really hard for me to live day to day because I am always thinking about two weeks in advance. I feel for the first time in life someone understands aspects of me that no one has ever really been able to understand. It's bizarre and slightly unnerving (not in a bad way but in a caught off guard way).
Perspective is a weird thing....
Yeah... |
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